Monday, June 17, 2013

Year 2013: Iran, Election & the Proverbial Donkey's Cock

Haft-e-Tir Square, Central Tehran, Citizens celebrating the results of the Election. 15-June-2013.
Those who follow this most humble tweep know of my indescribable affection for Donkey's Cock. Wait! Before u click away, read: Donkey's Cock has a prominent place in the Persian language spoken in Iran. I'm certain all those who've attended school in Iran are familiar with this enigmatic term. Donkey's Cock is like a symbol for Iranians. It can mean a nothing burger in the language of D.C. elites. It can also mean a huge middle finger. It is also the funniest thing  high school kids say to break a tense or boring situation. Bottom line is Donkey's Cock has many functions. It's a Swiss Army Knife that can be awesome, ridiculous or contemptuous depending on the setting. My personal take: In the conservative culture of Iran, where erotica, of almost any kinds is universally considered a big taboo, popularity of using Donkey's Cock is a symptom of censorship and  frustrated sexual desires. Keep that in mind. Now to the Presidential Election of Iran which just ended with the victory of Hasan Rowhani (or Rouhani, or whatever other spellings out there). 

Of the total votes of 36,704,156 cast in 58,764 boxes for the 11th Presidential Election in Iran, Mr.Rowhani received 18,613,329 votes. He won in the first round decisively. Foreigners aside, it seems the majority of Iranians are happy with Rowhani's victory, if not elated. See for yourself Iranians celebrating in different cities across Iran: Tehran, Isfahan, Tabriz, Shiraz, Mashahd, Koohdasht, and Kerman.

When the Election results indicated Rowhani's victory, my people came out to the streets dancing, honking their cars, waving their hands, holding their hands, holding pictures of Rowhani, Khatami and Hashemi Rafsanjani -- with a few holding pictures of jailed MirHossein Moussavi, Zahra Rahnavard & Mehdi Karroubi. Hasan Rowhani had inadvertently become a symbol for Iranians. 

As an Iranian, I am glad the majority of Iranians are happy. However, as one who is usually a pessimistic asshole, allow me to express myself. But, before I get there, let's clear up something important real quick:  Nobody voted for Rowhani because he has a stellar resume in managing crisis such as the ones hurting Iranians now: high inflation, crippling western sanctions, or the severe disregard for human rights in the Iranian justice system.  Nobody voted for him because of his tolerance for opposing views or his promises of uncensored, high-speed internet for everyone and increased salaries for the many under-paid nurses and teachers or such. Reasons many, many Iranians voted for him are:
  1. Mohammad Reza Aref, a candidate with much more executive credentials and decency, in addition to being close to Reformists, resigned from running in the Election in favor of Rowhani. 
  2. Former Presidents Hashemi Rafsanjani and Khatami endorsed Rowhani in this Election. 
  3. Rowhani's generally worded promises of ending the suffocating atmosphere of censorship, much intensified since Summer of 2009, and finding a solution to the ever increasing crippling, economical sanctions imposed on the Iranian people by the US and the European Union.
  4. The prospects of victory of his other election rivals (Jalili and Qalibaf) scared the shit out of Iranians.
Hashemi Rafsanjani's endorsement was very important because Hashemi is currently enjoying a huge revival of his soiled popularity: 
  1. He is considered  a thorn in the side of the tyrant Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei. 
  2. Rafsanjani famously supported the oppressed protesters of 2009 in his Friday Prayers's sermon. 
  3. He has continuously asked for the release of Political Prisoners of Iran arrested in the aftermath of protests in 2009.
  4. He has continuously criticized the incompetence of Ahmadinejad's administration which were mostly interpreted as his disapproval of Khamenei's leadership.
  5. Two of his children, and a grandson, were arrested & imprisoned because of association with and participation in the protests against the rigged Presidential Election of 2009. 
  6. Majority of Iranians have forgotten, or pretended they don't recognize this mess is actually direct result of  Hashemi Rafsanjani's conduct, his disgusting lust for power and his distrust in anyone but his clerical friends in the last 25 years.
In the absence of the highly respected and loved jailed leaders MirHossein Moussavi, Mehdi Karroubi and Zahra Rahnavard, and in the presence of scared and confused leaders such as former President Mohammad Khatami, and weak reformists-minded Grand Ayatollahs such as Sanei & Bayat in the holy city of Qom, Iranians initially bet all their chips on Hashemi Rafsanjani for the June 14 Presidential Election, but Supreme Leader crushed their dreams upon banning Hashemi Rafsanjani from running, and so Iranians found another rope to hold on to: Rowhani. If a fair and balanced election were held in Iran, Rowhani would have never won. But, now, he is everything for millions of jobless, hopeless, exhausted, frustrated, semi-psychotic and mostly young Iranians.
Happy Iranians Celebrating in Vali Asr Street, Tehran, Iran,. June 15, 2013.
Do you know the slogans my people were shouting on June 15 in Tehran, Tabriz, Kerman, Shiraz, Mashhad, Koohdasht, Bandar Abbas, ... ? I have translated a few for you:

My Martyred Brother / I Took Your Vote Back
(Referring to the many martyrs of protests in Summer of 2009 over the rigged election)

Victory is by Allah & Victory is Close /  A New 2nd of Khordad is Here
(2nd of Khordad refers to the Landslide Election Victory of Mohammad Khatami in 1997)

Victor of Election/ Reform, Reform

Ahmadi Bye Bye/ Ahmadi Bye Bye
(Ahmadi meaning outgoing president Ahmadinejad who is quite disliked!)

My Dear Neda / I took Your Vote Back!
(Neda was killed in Summer of 2009 and became a symbol of the oppressed protests of Iranian people.)

Ya Hossein / MirHossein 
(Referring to the beloved jailed MirHossein Moussavi)

Moussavi , Karroubi / Must Be Freed!

Remember Rowhani / Aref Must be Included too!
(Aref is of course Mohammad Reza Aref whose resignation in favor of Rowhani paved the way for Rowhani's victory. My people were giving cabinet advice to Rowhani, you see!)
And alot more Slogans all of the same nature!

What you could not see in the many pictures and videos from my people's celebrations were pictures of the many jailed and tortured Human Rights Lawyers, Journalists, University Students, Professors, Political Activists, Labor Rights Activists ... who have been withering behind the bars of Supreme Leader Khamenei.

What you could not hear in the many slogans people shouted in their spontaneous street party were clear demands for an impartial Judiciary, Demands for the end of Guardian Council's shameful supervising the Electoral & legislative processes, Demands for Voluntary Islamic Hijab, Demands for Transparency in the government and the many cartels under the control of Supreme Leader, Demands for immediate release of Political Prisoners, Demands for Immediate Persecution of Rapists and Murderers of Kahrizak, Demands for the end of Stoning of People Convicted of Moral Crimes in the Law Books of Iran, Demands for Women Rights,  ....

My people always become happy with some generally worded statement on freedom and respect and dignity. Even on Facebook, in the many, many discussions, status updates, comments, replies, ... my people did not think most of the demands I mentioned above are of much importance compared to the task at hand: An Election Victory for Rowhani, and, consequently, making him our latest symbol of hope and change and all the good things we could only dream while Ahmadinejad was president!

For all I know, and all the Experts know, nobody has any idea about the the first things Rowhani will be doing once he is sworn in. We have no clue. Really.

Is he going to ask the Leader to free MirHossein Moussavi, Zahra Rahnavard, Mehdi Karroubi? I doubt.
Is he going to prevent Universities to stop firing dissident Professors?
Is he going to permit the many censored and unpublished books of literature get published? I Doubt.
Will he ask the Parliament to halt the subsidization plans?
Will he restore order to the economic institution of Iran such as Central Bank?
Will he seek to settle the nuclear debacle with the West? But, doe he have the permission of the Supreme Leader?
Will he seek to lessen the pressures on the many oppressed NGOs in Iran?
What the fuck is he going to do?

Nobody knows. And, not many care actually.

"Let's give him 4 years and see what is going to happen. Whatever we ask him will put him under pressure early in his administration. Let's just wait for a while and see what he does and how he does it." --- A Typical Iranian Voter who voted for Rowhani (not a real person, just some voice in my head!)

Now, let's bring in the proverbial Donkey's Cock : I know as much about Rowhani's agenda as I Know about Donkey's Cock.  Rowhani is as enigmatic as a good 'ol Donkey's Cock. Similar to what I said in the beginning to explain the meaning of  Donkey's Cock, Mr.Rowhani can be "awesome, ridiculous or contemptuous depending on the setting."

Mr.Rowhani is the latest Donkey's Cock that my People, my lovely Iranian Compatriots, have chosen, and I am glad my people are glad.


  1. donkey-cock's victory, has made the electorate high as giraffe pussy.

    Excellent post, wonder if Rouhani's victory and Ahmadenijad's departure diminishes the "international" community's acquiescence to US sanctions policy. Lifting current sanctions very unlikely no matter how much more accommodating Iran becomes on that issue, hopefully I'm wrong.


  2. All this talk of genitalia reminded me of this quote from 2007:

    "Iran has balls. Few other states do, even while their populations crave stronger policies vis-à-vis Washington."

    Graham Fuller, formerly a CIA analyst and vice-chairman of the National Intelligence Council in Washington.

  3. Hey bro, this is Ryu, saw your account was deactivated. Just curious why? A response would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

  4. Hey mate get a hold of me somehow so I know you are ok. I was trying to give you my email before you deactivated

  5. Hi Carl, I am ok. What is your email address? leave it here. Then, delete the comment. Whatever u write here, I get. Cheers. <3

  6. I sent you an email, nothing to do with donkey cocks though hahaha but here is a tune from the late great Wesley Willis