Since coming to work today, copious amount of tears have been running down my eyes. This is quite bizarre in my opinion. Since 24 days ago that mourning began I have not cried this much in just a few hours. Knowing it is not even 5 PM in here and there are still many hours till midnight is agonizing.
While crying I also think of my conversation with my uncle yesterday. I wish my uncle had let me express how awful I am feeling these days. As it happened, as soon as I started telling him how I feel about my father's death on the phone yesterday, he interrupted me and said something to the effect of "We have had enough of that. We need to move on." So, I stopped before I began.
I guess because my uncle lives in Tehran, and has had the opportunities of attending my father's burial and main funeral service in the mosque, plus the 7th day of mourning ceremony in addition to numerous familial gatherings with my aunts, uncles, mother and siblings, he does not feel like talking about my father's death anymore. Indeed he has had many, many chances of talking about my father's death with people who were close to my father and knew him well.
What about me? I am in this fucking shithole and there is nobody here to talk to about this tragedy.
But, you know what is most galling? My uncle left me a voice message, reportedly called me several times and left missed calls, in addition he also emailed me and talked about my father's death and how big a loss it is for him. But, when I finally return his calls after gathering up the courage to talk, he does not want me to talk about my father's death.
Why the fuck did he even want to talk to me in the first place?
I can't understand.